Chapter 252 - Episode 32. The World After the Fall (2)
Chapter 252: Episode 32. The World After the Fall (2)
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Two weeks had passed since Jaehwan returned to the body of his ten-year-old self.
As he slowly recovered his first consciousness, Jaehwan began to gain a rough sense of who he was, and where he had come from.
This was Earth in the early twenty-first century.
Seoul, exactly ten years before the Tower of Nightmares descended.
It was strange. He had clearly come to the place where the 「First Nightmare」 was, so why was he on Earth?
Could I have regressed?
That could not be the case. Even with the power of Transcendents who governed time and space, even with the power of 《Big Brother》, it was impossible to turn back time that had already passed.
Had Cultivator Beastrein not said the same? No matter what method was used, it was impossible for a being from the 《Tree of Illusion》 to return to the past.
Then is this an illusion?
Jaehwan remembered the 「Dream Demon Stone」 installed in the Tower of Nightmares. It was not impossible that this was a world of illusion like that.
Yet as far as Jaehwan knew, no “dream” capable of containing him existed. Not even the 「First Nightmare」 could be this convincing.
Then what was this place?
The more he thought about it, the deeper everything seemed to sink into a maze. Still, he had to think. Thinking was the only thing Jaehwan could do here.
It was ironic.
This was the homeland he had once wanted so desperately to return to. Even so, this world looked unbearably unfamiliar to Jaehwan.
Like someone doubting their own body, Jaehwan checked every physical ability from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.
「Doubt」
「Understanding」
「Selflessness」
「Hypothesis」
「Proof」
「Editing」
The abilities he had gained through Awakening would not obey him.
He had lost his Unique World, along with innate Settings like 「Fall」 and 「Naked」. There was no need to mention that Dokbul and the Three Divine Artifacts had vanished somewhere as well.
Every technique he had honed over ten billion years of climbing the 《Tree of Illusion》 had disappeared like foam.
All that remained to Jaehwan were uncertain fragments of memory, baseless convictions, and the frail body of a ten-year-old.
“Jaehwan-gun. That is only natural. This is ‘reality,’ after all.”
Teacher seemed pleased that Jaehwan had begun worrying about such things.
“Jaehwan-gun is too young to understand, but the imaginary realm and the symbolic realm are currently colliding inside Jaehwan-gun’s mind. The concerns Jaehwan-gun is having now are entirely rational.”
The turmoil that had raged in his head over the past two weeks gradually settled, and his scattered memories slowly returned to their places. But that did not mean Jaehwan had regained his sanity.
It was the opposite.
The more he regained his senses, the more he was treated as someone who was “not sane.”
Jaehwan could not understand Teacher’s explanation.
“Jaehwan-gun, that world is a delusion. Do you know what a delusion means?”
Everything I experienced was a delusion?
That desperate, distant history, all of it was an illusion I made up?
At times, Jaehwan had fits. He rushed at Teacher or caused a disturbance. Whenever that happened, Teacher would restrain him with ease, never looking flustered, then whisper into his ear in a cruel voice.
“Jaehwan-gun, your world does not exist.”
Feeling the cold linoleum floor beneath him and Teacher’s grip pressing gently down on him, Jaehwan listened to Teacher’s words.
“Jaehwan-gun. Return to reality. Your mother is waiting.”
Mother.
As though resisting the word itself, Jaehwan muttered,
“Should a psychiatrist be doing this to a child?”
At that, Teacher removed his hands from Jaehwan. Raising both hands lightly as if he had no intention of harming him, Teacher gave a sly smile.
“First, I am not a psychiatrist.”
“Then that makes it even less acceptable-”
“Second, rational thinking. Very good. That is how it begins.”
Jaehwan closed his mouth.
* * *
Another two weeks passed.
After faithfully observing, analyzing, and studying Jaehwan for a month, Teacher finally decided to change tactics.
“Very well. I understand the contradictions Jaehwan-gun feels. Let us shift our perspective a little.”
Teacher had Jaehwan sit in a chair, then paced around before dragging over a whiteboard that had been left at the back of the office. Teacher began sketching something across it.
It was the tree Jaehwan had drawn for the first time.
The Tree of Illusion.
Teacher watched Jaehwan’s trembling eyes and smiled with satisfaction.
“Is this shape correct?”
“It is similar.”
“Jaehwan-gun, in this world, you should use polite speech with your elders.”
“Then you should use polite speech with me. I am older than you.”
“That is only true in ‘Jaehwan-gun’s world.’ I have told you that several times already.”
“I...”
Jaehwan flared up and started to say something, then closed his mouth. There was no point talking further. Teacher would inevitably refute him with every kind of psychoanalytic argument Teacher could summon. Whether those arguments were valid or not, it was exhausting.
“It is a beautiful tree. It looks lonely somehow, and solitary.”
“...”
“The Tree of Illusion. Jaehwan-gun’s talent for naming things is remarkable. It is truly hard to believe that Jaehwan-gun is ten years old.”
Teacher’s way of speaking somehow reminded Jaehwan of 《Big Brother》.
“I did not name it. And I told you already, I am not ten.”
Teacher smiled softly. Still, that smile somehow made Jaehwan feel insulted.
Teacher asked,
“Does Jaehwan-gun know the value of the world Jaehwan-gun has created?”
“Value?”
“That world has immense value. If the day comes when Jaehwan-gun can view it objectively, people will pay a great deal of money just to glimpse Jaehwan-gun’s world.”
Teacher continued, staring into Jaehwan’s eyes.
“But if Jaehwan-gun remains trapped in that world and cannot look around, Jaehwan-gun’s world will drive Jaehwan-gun’s life into darkness.”
Jaehwan opened his mouth to argue, but Teacher gave him no chance to speak.
“Jaehwan-gun. To truly use that world in a valuable way, you must come out of yourself. You must acknowledge that the world you created is false. Only then can you use it meaningfully without being consumed by it.”
Perhaps Teacher should not have said that.
Jaehwan slowly closed his eyes, then opened them. Cold flames burned within his gaze.
“It is not false.”
Jaehwan stared directly at Teacher without the slightest tremor in his eyes.
“I was really there.”
His voice was clear and distinct. At the sound of a voice that showed not even a trace of doubt in his own world, Teacher seemed at a loss for words for a moment.
How much time passed?
Jaehwan asked,
“Are you listening to me?”
“Ah.”
Lost in thought, Teacher quickly changed his expression.
“No. Jaehwan-gun is certainly a little different from ordinary delusional disorder.”
Saying that, Teacher began writing something down.
Exceptional clarity and confidence in language. An attitude of becoming one with the language he uses. A manner of speech suited to the worldview he created.
After writing that, Teacher turned back to Jaehwan.
“Jaehwan-gun said that Jaehwan-gun’s world is not false. Then let me ask you this. Is there even a single clue that could prove Jaehwan-gun’s world, apart from Jaehwan-gun’s memories?”
Jaehwan thought for a moment before speaking.
“Ten years from now, destruction will come to this world. I cannot explain what I am saying through this world’s science or logic. But I know. In ten years, without fail-”
“That is the first I have heard of this. It sounds as though Jaehwan-gun came from the future. In other words, Jaehwan-gun’s ‘world’ is this world’s ‘future.’ Is that correct?”
“That...”
Teacher looked intrigued.
“Everything Jaehwan-gun has told me until now is something that will happen in the future?”
Jaehwan fell silent for a moment. He could not answer. He could not be certain that this place was truly the “past.” It might have been another dream created by the 「First Nightmare」...
“Yes. They are things that will happen in the future.”
Even so, Jaehwan nodded for now.
In a way, this was also a test for himself.
“Jaehwan-gun, then may I ask a few questions?”
The moment he saw Teacher smile, Jaehwan instinctively realized he had made a mistake. But there was nowhere left to retreat.
“First, could you tell me once again about the future Jaehwan-gun experienced?”
“I think I have said enough already. Ten years from now, a Tower appears and...”
“Not that story. I would like to hear what Jaehwan-gun did during the ten years before that Tower appeared.”
Jaehwan was suddenly speechless.
What did I do before the Tower appeared?
What did I do?
His memories were hazy, and most were fragmented. Perhaps it was because the Transcendents had left and taken a great deal of his memories with them.
When Jaehwan gave no answer for a long time, Teacher spoke again.
“Was meeting me also planned in that future?”
When Jaehwan did not answer, Teacher smiled.
“It seems there was no future in which you met me.”
“The me from then is different from the me now. Also...”
As Jaehwan rambled, Teacher raised a hand and stopped him.
“Very well. Then let us try another question. Do you remember anything about the middle school, high school, or university Jaehwan-gun attended?”
Jaehwan closed his mouth again. Only after a long time did he finally speak, sounding resentful.
“Almost nothing.”
Jaehwan bit his lip.
He had clearly attended middle school and high school. He had entered university too. He had served in the military.
Then the Tower of Nightmares had descended.
Jaehwan could say with certainty that all of it had truly happened. Yet he could not properly remember the history he had lived through. Maybe it was because it had been too long ago. Or perhaps, as he had said before, the memories inside him had shattered when the Transcendents departed.
“That is unlike intelligent Jaehwan-gun. You cannot remember.”
“I really cannot remember. But I definitely...”
Jaehwan stopped speaking without realizing it.
His words were true. Yet he had no evidence to prove they were true. His answer that he could not remember only gave Teacher grounds to prove his words were “false.”
With a smile that seemed to say no further words would matter, Teacher asked Jaehwan,
“Is there another way to prove Jaehwan-gun’s memories?”
The game was over.
You cannot protect your world, and you cannot prove anything.
That was what Teacher was saying.
Ten-year-old Jaehwan was frustrated and miserable.
He, who had lived through that time, was standing right here. He himself was the proof of that time, so why did he have to prove it all over again?
How could that time possibly be proven?
Then a memory from long ago surfaced. It was a memory of a fortress.
A colossal wall that had blocked his path shortly after he entered Chaos.
That fortress had demanded the same thing of him.
“Prove yourself. Prove who you are.”
What had he answered then?
Jaehwan raised his head and looked at Teacher.
It felt as though the world around him was twisting. Teacher’s white coat looked like the outer wall of an impregnable fortress, and Teacher’s silver horn-rimmed glasses looked like the fortress’s pointed towers.
Perhaps that was why Jaehwan opened his mouth without realizing it.
“I will not prove myself.”
Footnotes:
Chapter discussion